Taming the Tongue: The Kind of Wisdom That Brings Peace and Maturity
The Wisdom That Shapes Our Words (James 3)
Last week I led a three-day intensive training for lay counselors in our church. We spent hours talking about what it means to walk with people through pain; how to listen, how to be present, how to let the Holy Spirit do the deeper work.
And after all of it, one truth rose above the rest: what matters most in ministry, and really in life, is the condition of the heart behind our words.
That’s what James 3 is about.
I’ve read this passage many times, but sitting with women who want to help others heal, I heard it differently. When you speak into someone’s life, your words carry weight. James knew that. He doesn’t treat speech lightly.
The Weight of Our Words (James 3:1–2)
James begins with a sober reminder: “Not many of you should become teachers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.”
He’s speaking specifically to those who teach the Word; those given spiritual authority within the church. That calling is sacred and carries deep accountability before God.
But even if we’re not formal teachers, the principle still touches our lives. Every one of us holds influence somewhere; over children, friends, small groups, conversations after service. Our words might not be sermons, but they still shape hearts.
During our training, we practiced listening before speaking; simply being present without fixing or filling the silence. And I realized again that taming the tongue begins with humility. It’s not about restraint for its own sake, but about slowing down enough to let the Spirit lead not only what we say, but why we say it.
The Tongue as Fire (James 3:3–12)
James uses vivid imagery: a small bit guiding a horse, a tiny rudder turning a massive ship, a spark setting a forest ablaze. Words are powerful.
We’ve all felt the burn of careless speech; words that cut or divide. And if we’re honest, we’ve spoken them too.
But James isn’t calling us to try harder. You can’t tame your tongue by willpower any more than you can hold back the wind. The real issue is the heart. Whatever fills it eventually finds its way out.
That’s why holistic discipleship matters. Healing the heart with God changes what flows from the mouth. When your inner life is aligned with truth, your outer words begin to sound like peace.
The Two Kinds of Wisdom (James 3:13–18)
James then shifts the focus. “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.”
Wisdom isn’t about information. It’s about transformation; how you live, not what you know.
James describes two kinds of wisdom:
Earthly wisdom is fueled by envy, pride, and ambition. It stirs up confusion and division.
Heavenly wisdom is pure, gentle, merciful, peace-loving, and full of good fruit.
I have told the women I disciple that this kind of wisdom is centered on Jesus. It’s calm. Steady. It listens before reacting. It doesn’t need to prove itself. It simply carries the peace of God into the room (be a thermostat, not a thermometer).
That’s what makes someone safe to come to; not perfection, but presence shaped by the Spirit.
The Fruit of Peace
James ends with a promise: “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”
That’s what I want for my life, and for the women I teach; to become peacemakers. To speak words that heal because our hearts are anchored in Christ.
At midlife many of us are in a quieter season. Influence may look different now; less public, more relational. But it’s no less holy. James reminds us that when peace fills the heart, it spills into our speech, our posture, our presence.
Closing Reflection
After three days of teaching, dialogue, and reflection, one truth stayed with me:
Ministry begins not with what we know, but with how we live.
And our words will always reveal what we worship.
James 3 isn’t a call to silence—it’s a call to truth. To speak with a heart that’s been softened by wisdom from above.
If your words have felt sharp lately, or if your voice has grown unsure, maybe pause. Let the Spirit speak to you before you speak to anyone else.
Because when the heart rests in Christ, the tongue learns to follow.
